Help me fill my “list” vacancy

Today has been a little rough. It was an upsetting news day (seriously - please get well, Teddy), it’s the Third Tuesday, which is never good for me, and the day has been rather rainy and dreary. So to cheer myself up, I’m going to concentrate on something fun - and I need your help.

My boyfriend and I each have a list of five people with whom, if the opportunity were to present itself, we could spend one naughty evening with full relationship impunity.

I’m not talking about people we know or anything like that. I wouldn’t allow such a thing. This list is pure fantasy - celebrities and the like only. Over the years, we have even established rules for the list governing things like the number of changes that can be made (we allow two each per list per year) and what happens in the event of the death of someone on the list (yes, once someone on my list died).

Anyway, I hadn’t changed my list in quite a while, but now I have retired one name, and I need help finding a replacement. First let me review who is currently on the list, and then who is getting booted off. Then you help me pick a replacement.

1. Sting. One of two original list members who remain on the list today - that is a 10+ year stretch. And to me, time only makes him sexier. Has he had any surgical enhancement? I don’t know, and I don’t care. Whatever he’s done, it’s working for him. I know he’s getting up there in age - although no one on my list is exactly a spring chicken - he is still smoking hot to me. He’s aging well like a fine wine. A fine, fine wine.

2. George Clooney. *SIGH* Ah, yes, my dreamy George. Another original list member. I was just having a conversation with my friends about how he is kind of moving from the category of “hot guy” to that of “older hot guy.” He’s still undoubtedly hot - don’t get me wrong. But I saw a picture of him without his shirt, and his chest is starting to take on that “older man” shape. It was hot, but in a different way. I still love him, and I likely always will. Carrie Bradshaw said it best: “Clooney is like a Chanel suit - never goes out of style.”

3. Kiefer Sutherland. Yes, my handsome specimen of “Late Onset Hotness.” He’s been on the list since about Season 2 of “24,” so it’s been a while for him. Hot. My friend Bopp saw him at a Rocco DeLuca show once. Was thisclose to him. So jealous!! Although had I been there I might have done something embarrassing like walk up to him and grab him inappropriately. That wouldn’t have been good. I almost booted him off my list after he was arrested for doing something has indefensibly awful as drunken driving. I was very, very disappointed. But after he served his full jail term without complaint and without doing anything crappy like pulling strings to get sprung from the pokey after 6 hours, I forgave him. Just don’t do anything like that again, Jack Bauer. I mean it.

4. Jason Varitek. Love, love, love, LOVE him. Although I have been a Red Sox fan for a long, long time, I didn’t always appreciate Jason’s hotness. Always loved the player he is - I think he is an outstanding team captain, a great baseball guy, and he’ll make an incredible manager one day. But that’s not why he’s on the list. He’s on the list because he’s hawt. I noticed this for the first time while at Fenway with my friend Theo (not Epstein) in her crazy awesome seats, which are basically right behind the Sox on-deck circle. Tek was in said circle stretching and swinging, and … oh…my. His body is unbelievable. His thighs alone are the eighth and ninth wonders of the world. Superhot. Plus he once tried to beat the crap out of Alex Rodriguez. How can you not love him?

That brings us to the latest former member of my list. Although I think he is quite possibly the most attractive man who has ever been born, frankly, I’ve just grown bored with him. Seriously, he bores me. No one on my list can bore me. So I bid a fond adieu to: Mr. David Beckham. Vicki B. has nothing to worry about with me.

So who should replace Becks? I can’t decide. Here are some names I’m kicking around:

Lenny Kravitz. He was an original member on my list, but fell off several years ago when he cut off his dreads. But lately I’ve sort of been feeling him again. The hotness has returned.

Gavin Rossdale. I don’t mean to give me Kick Ass Chick Gwen any trouble, but I saw Institute open for U2 a couple years back, and OMG - Gavin is hawwt!! Smoking hot. Ridiculously hot.

John Stamos. Yeah, he was dorky as uncle Jesse. I liked him a little as Blackie on GH, but even then he didn’t do much for me. But now? Hawt. Totally. Don’t know what Rebecca was thinking.

Chauncey Billups. Ahh, my Chauncey. From my Pistons. *Sigh* Love him! And he’s back tonight! Go Detroit!!

Matthew Fox. The only reason I’m still even trying to watch “Lost.” I’ve loved him since he was Charlie on “Party of Five” - back when all my friends were into Bailey. Love him.

Tell me what you think, pick one of these or suggest alternatives. I’m depending on you!