Guide to “girl talk”

The other night, I was at dinner with a group of people, and a friend of mine complimented my ability to “talk girl.” (She has just overheard me discussing the Sex and the City film with another friend of mine, complete with an analysis of why we found it so much easier to forgive Steve than to forgive Big, given that Steve’s transgression was ostensibly worse.) Anyway, my friend who was not fluent in girl talk said she wanted me to teach her, since networking is a big part of her job, and she thinks the skill could benefit her.

Since then, I’ve been thinking of what, exactly, “girl talk” is, and whether there is a right way to do it. I’m not sure what the answer is, and I couldn’t begin to write a comprehensive guide, and clearly what qualifies as good “girl talk” is a matter of opinion and will vary from person to person. But here are a few highlights, according to me:

Conversational agility is a must. Do not think that the only thing involved in girl talk is fashion, men and gossip. We do talk about those things, but we also engage in every single other topic of conversation, from politics to current events to shop talk (meaning work, not shopping). The key to proficient girl talk is the ability to jump from one topic of conversation to another - however unrelated - quickly and seamlessly. You must be able to go from talking about the hideous economy, to those horrendous Balenciaga boots that are popping up everywhere, to the adequacy of the U.S. response to the genocide in Darfur, to the wacky women on The Real Housewives of NYC. All in under three minutes, while covering each topic sufficiently.

When you become more advanced in the art of talking girl, you will also develop a skill I have mastered with my friends: the ability to talk in a group, all at the same time, and understand each other perfectly. This ability absolutely astounds men and non-girl talkers, but once you learn how, it is a great time saver. If you need an example of this, watch any episode of The View.

The art of giving and receiving compliments. Hands down, the best way to strike up a “girl talk” convo with a stranger or a friend is to compliment her on something. A simple “Those shoes are great!” or “I love your jacket” and you are on your way to a girly chat.

Now there are some pitfalls to be wary of. For example, don’t say: “Where did you get those shoes?” - particularly if it is to someone you work with or see all the time. The last thing she wants is for you go got out and buy your own pair, leaving you to look like the Bobbsey Twins each time you pass in the hall. Also, don’t say “I have those exact same pants!” A girl likes to feel like she has a unique and personal style, not one shared with everyone else. (If you are talking to a close girlfriend, you may be able to get away with this. Know your audience.)

When someone compliments you, the best thing to do is to give a genuine: “Oh, thank you!” If you are becoming more advanced in your girl talk abilities, you can throw in a counter compliment, or volunteer a shopping-related detail in your response. “Thanks! I was just about compliment you on that beautiful necklace!” or “Thanks! I just love DSW. You get the best deals there!”

Never, ever brand drop in response to a compliment. Saying “They’re Prada” is never acceptable unless you work in the Condé Nast building.

Shopping! A cornerstone topic of girl talk is shopping. Now, not all shopping talk is alike. A common misconception is that “girl talk” speakers are obsessed with talking about labels - Prada this, and Manolo that, Miu Miu the other - but that is not always true. I, for example, own none of those labels, so I have absolutely nothing to say about them.

A much better way of approaching a conversation on shopping is to focus on an almost universally accepted theme: discounts. There is nothing better than the joy of procuring a cute item from a store on sale. “Do you like sample sales? There’s a big event coming up this weekend,” or “I just got a great email coupon from [insert-store-name-here], I can forward it to you! There had some really cute stuff up to 75 percent off!”

Boys/relationships. This topic is both universal in girl talk, and potentially disastrous. The most important thing to remember is this: when a girlfriend is talking to you about problems she is having with her significant other, always, always be supportive, but never, ever diss the S.O. “I’m sorry, is there anything I can do?” or “Relationships are so hard sometimes. Lord knows I’ve been through the same thing” or “I think you could use a drink/trip to the spa/nice lunch - let’s go!” are all good responses.

Never, ever say: “Well, I always thought that guy was a jackass, and now you see that I was right!” Chances are, the girl will keep the guy and lose you as a friend - or at the very least, dinner parties with the couple will be tense from that point on.