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I know the Emmys are no Oscars. Not even close. But I love a red carpet event. So let’s deconstruct, shall we?

The Good

To my dismay, this is a thin category this year. There was a lot of fug happening on that red carpet, let me tell ya! But a few ladies stood out beautifully. Here are my favorites.

Tina Fey

My favorite look of the night! Tina Fey killed it!! She worked this dress like the rent was due last Thursday!! GORGEOUS!! She usually likes black, but she ventured out a bit with this amazing overlay print. And the dress fits like she was born in it. I think I jumped up and down and squealed a little when she walked out, because she was that fabulous!

Claire Danes

It is really, really hard for me to say something nice about some trick who once stole a pregnant woman’s man. But I give credit where it is due: Claire’s dress was a close, close second to Tina’s as my favorite of the night.

Jayma Mays

OK, ladies – take note. THIS is how you do a frilly detail right! Jayma looked GORGEOUS! The gown fit her perfectly, the navy color is beautiful, the hair and makeup are flawless and don’t compete with the dress. This is glamour done right!

Much, much more after the jump =>

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I don’t sleep much these days. I am the insomniac’s insomniac.

Being awake for most – or all – of the night on a regular basis means I watch a lot of TV. Lucky for me, there are usually some amazing television characters to keep me company. So I am making a “Kick-Ass Chick” list of television characters I absolutely love. I will add to this list as I think of more of my favorites, but let’s kick it off with these six ladies:

Willona Woods, “Good Times.” The world’s awesomest neighbor! My favorite episode is this one, where Willona and the Evans family learn that their neighbor Gertie is so poor she has to eat dog food. Gertie came over for a dinner party – and brought meatloaf. Willona makes this scene.

Hyacinth Bucket, “Keeping Up Appearances. “It’s Bou-quet!” Now, I would not like Hyacinth as a neighbor! Here she is in rare form after seeing a “strange man” in Elizabeth’s house.

Many, many more funny ladies after the jump =>

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OSCARS RED CARPET 2010!!

Oh, I wait 365 days each year for this night! It is my Super Bowl!!

But I have to say, this year, I was disappointed. I LOVED so many dresses last year!!! This year left me underwhelmed. But there were some dresses that impressed me, some that left me wanting more, some that left me wanting much less, and some that left me wanting to some Pepto. So let’s get to it.

Category 1: The ‘YES!!’

Vera Farmiga. My. Favorite. Dress. Of. The. NIIIIIGHT!! LOVED this look on her – the color, the drama, the way she walked in it – everything!! This is the kind of glamour the Oscars are about!

Now, I took a look at the interwebs, and I see already that she has made some worst dressed lists. So perhaps this is a controversial choice. I don’t care. It played on TV way better than it does in pictures (and I still love it in pictures), she took my breath away and I’m sticking with my choice.

Sandra Bullock. Photos doesn’t do it the justice that television did. I wish I could have seen it in person because I thought everything about it was stunning – the sparkle, the color, the subtle asymmetry – everything. And during the show – she sat in the front row – in every wide shot of the audience, she just shimmered like a star. Her makeup and hair were also perfect for the look. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous! Just stunning! Nice job for your first Oscar win, girl!

Cameron Diaz: Now, let me tell y’all – it’s feels so strange to compliment Cameron Diaz on a red carpet look because I usually think she looks like an unkempt mess. I thought that was just her shtick! I never expected her to do old school glam – right down to the hair and makeup! She was stunning! Well played, Miss D!

Kate Winslet: Wow, lots of silver tonight. I spot a trend! Ok, this didn’t blow my socks off, but I thought she was beautiful. A great dress for a gorgeous, non-nominee. This is a woman who knows what she looks good in, and nails it (almost) every time. I love her.

Kristen Stewart: (*Sound of me getting off the ground…*) WOW! I have never seen her look like anything more than an unwashed stoner rat someone forced to wear a dress. But she cleaned up nicely for the big show! I usually hate black dresses, but she demonstrates how black can be done glamorously! A very surprising laurel to you, girl!

Queen Latifah: You know, I would never in a million years have picked this dress color, dress cut, sparkly trim, hair – none of it. But on Dana, it looks beautiful. Because she’s the Queen and she knows herself. Well done.

Susan Geston: Ok, I didn’t really love her dress or anything – it was fine, but –  I think she is adorable and I was just so proud of Jeff Bridges for not bringing some 17-year-old to the Oscars that I had to put their picture here. Good for you!!

Category 2: The “Meh…”

Some people just seemed like they didn’t try hard enough. Too many people in this category.  This is the OSCARS, people! Not the time to hold back!! Make an effort. Sheesh!

Mo’Nique. This was especially disappointing because she had one of my FAVORITE dresses at the Golden Globes. I get it – she wore a blue dress with a white flower in her hair because Hattie McDaniel wore a blue dress and white flower when she won her Oscar. I get the symbolism. I’m judging simply on the fashion. And this failed make a slash with me. It’s fine. It’s just not amazing.

Tina Fey: On first glance, I liked this dress. But I think that was just my adoration for Tina Fey showing through, because on second look, I thought: ‘Oh, wait. No.’ You can do better, T. I do not want to go there.

Meryl Streep. You know, I have to give Meryl a bit of a pass, because when you’ve been nominated 16 times, you have the right to show up in a bathrobe if you want. But Meryl shouldn’t have taken that sentiment literally. I really love the shoulders, and even the front plunge. But the bottom? Meh at best.

Gabby Sidibe: Gabby – I’ve been seeing you look ADORABLE lately! And I love your personality. You were SO funny on the red carpet! And when you cried during Oprah’s introduction of you, I cried too. But this silver appliqué on this dress looks very Filene’s Basement. You stylist could have done better. She or he has before, because you have really been looking fabulous these past weeks. Still adore you, Though!

Anna Kendrick: I know this is your first Oscars red carpet walk, but a rule of thumb: if you are younger than 60, cute, and – oh, I don’t know – NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR, leave the flesh tones alone, ok? Color is your friend.

Category 3: The “NO!!”

What makes me mad about this category is that it is filled with people who should have known better!

Demi Moore: When I saw her, the first thing that popped into my mind is that she looks like she has some strange, horrible skin-peeling disease.

Jennifer Lopez. Ok, to borrow a phrase from the incomparable Fug Girls, this was a perfect example of ‘Scroll Down Fug.’

When the camera shot her from the waist up – GORGEOUS. The top of the dress, her hair, her makeup – all stunning. If the bottom of the dress were like to top, she would have been my favorite of the night.

But then we go below the waist…

And it looked like her hip threw up a wedding cake. Bad. Just bad….

Carey Mulligan: Dear actresses, step away from the mullet dresses.

Penelope Cruz: Sigourney: “Penelope, guurrrllll, why did you let the bottom of your dress get caught up in the vacuum cleaner like that? On Ocsar night! And how did your hair get caught too?? I don’t understand…”

Category 4: The “Oh, HELL Naw!!”

For this category, in the words of Andre Leon Talley: “It is a famine of beauty, honey. A fa-mine of beau-tee!”

Sarah Jessica Parker: OMG, Carrie!! What happened to you?!?! How can a 57 pound woman look frumpy? This looks like my laundry bag with a Christmas tinsel bow thrown on top. At the very least, your stylist should have made sure the crease was steamed out of the front. And why didn’t you comb your hair?? Ugh!

Mariah Carey: “I had a vision of fug….”

Zoe Saldana: Wait, I have a great design idea: Top third, wedding gown; middle third; prom dress from 1972; bottom third, cotton candy!! Oh, sorry – I momentarily took a trip into Bizarro Fug Alien World! Come on, girl! You are UHURA! This makes sense in no universe! Ugh!!!

Charlize Theron: It looks like her breasts were victims of “When 1960s Corsages Attack!!.”

Also:

Barbra Streisand. I don’t have a picture here, but for some inexplicable reason Babs came dressed as Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Miley Cyrus: Miley, you are a teenager. Not a retiree from the Best Little Whorehouse In Texas. Oh, and another question: Why were you there?

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Dear Jennifer,

I like you. I mean, I really, really like you. I’ve liked you since Kissing Jessica Stein. I was totally, totally excited when, back in 2003 when I lived in New York, I sat at a booth right next to you and three of your friends at City Diner on the Upper West Side. (Now that I think about it, Jon Hamm was probably one of those friends. Doh!). Anyway, what I’m trying to say is I’m a fan.

So as a fan, I have to extend a little friendly, womanly advice to you. I just caught the red carpet from Sunday’s Emmy Awards on the DVR late  last night. (I’m usually more on top of these things but I’ve been busy). And I became very, very concerned for you when I saw you walk the red carpet wearing this:

emmy094

Girrrrrl, really. I mean, where did you find that – your Autie Grizelda’s attic? And it was even worse on TV than it is in this picture! Just sad!

Jen, let me clue you in to a little fact that may have somehow eluded you: Every woman on the planet wants your boyfriend – me included! That means you must hit every event with a red carpet – or any color carpet, really – and Work. It. Like. You. MEAN. It!! You cannot make a mistake of looking dowdy or dumpy or plain or Auntie Grizelda-like! Because that opens the door for comparisons that should not be made – like when you stand next to your man and Mariska “Hell Yeah, I’m Jayne Manfield’s Friggin’ Daughter!” Hargitay:

harhammjen

Yeah, see? You do not want that happening.

And you can avoid it, girl! You are beautiful!! And you know how to do it – you did it at last year’s Emmy’s:

emmy08

See what I’m talking about?! You were smokin’ hot, and you had that look that says: “Yep, my man is hot!  But back the @$&# up, ladies, cuz So. Am. I! Beeyatches.”

Don’t fret. It’s ok. We all make mistakes. Just don’t do it again, Boo.

Much love,

-Elleen

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Yaytim!I can die happy now. Yesterday, I spoke to Tim Gunn.

Now, it wasn’t exactly over lunch at the Da Silvano. It was at a shopping mall in Virginia surrounded by a couple hundred other people. Still, it was a magical moment for me.

Let me back up. I heard that Tim Gunn was coming as part of a post-New York Fashion Week event at a mall about 20 minutes outside of Washington DC. I LOVE Tim Gunn. Really. When I sit at my sewing machine, working on some garment and look at it in a conflicted way, I wish I had Tim there to say to me: “Kim, the work on the bodice of this dress is really stunning. But then we get down to the shape at the hip area and I get very woeful. You have a lot left to do…” Really. These are the things I imagine.

So although I don’t often venture that far out into suburbia for any reason, of COURSE I would go see Tim! I put on one of my own designs (I wanted to be standing in the same room as Tim Gunn while wearing something I designed and made with my own hands!) and headed out.

The trip was not without some road bumps. First, I went to the wrong mall. How was I supposed to know Tysons Shopping Center and Tysons Galleria were two different things?!

When I got to the correct venue, I was already running a bit late (Tim was supposed to come out at 1 p.m. and it was about 12:47 p.m. – barely enough time to elbow people out of the way to get a good vantage point). Then I take two steps on the beautifully waxed floor of the mall, which is quite fancier than the first, and my ankle twists and I stumble. I do not fall, luckily. But about three paces later the strap on my left Steve Madden Mary Jane went “Snap!” and off my shoe went. The strap was broken. The shoe was also impossible to walk in. Oh, this will not do in front of Tim Gunn, people!!

So I hobbled into a shoe store, grabbed the first pair of pumps I could find in chocolate brown, and begged for a pair in my size. Luckily they had it, and I did a quick switcheroo, handed the store clerk my Visa, and ran out as fast as I could. I still don’t know how much the new shoes cost. I will look later.

So I run over to where the first fashion show, hosted by Mr. Gunn, is being held and it is just about to get started. I find a spot right behind a bevy of photographers at one end of the runway and get ready. I feel the blisters already start to form from my new shoes. But it doesn’t matter, because Tim comes out!

(Yeah, no idea why the pictures look bad. Think my camera was on the wrong setting. I was too star-struck to notice). Tim was so cool, and graciously thanked all the people who came out (surprisingly, I counted only about 75 people in the VIP seating area, and maybe another 80 to 100 in the standing-only area with me. And about 50 more people gathered on the second floor to watch from above and he thanked them too!

Timcrowd

He commented on the fashions in the show, exchanged witty verbal volleys with the other host (no idea who she is – wasn’t listening), knew all the models by name, and he looked impeccable as usual! I loved his gray suit with cranberry tie. I’m convinced he was born in a perfectly-tailored suit.

Timbanter

He was even interactive during the fashion show, helping a model off with her jacket (from her reaction, this was not rehearsed) and helping her put on some blingy jewelry and pumps to take the look from day to evening.

timdress

He did the same thing with another model, wearing what was my favorite dress in the show – a hot little Juicy Couture number.

Timjuicy

At the end, he even did a Q & A with members of the audience. At first, I was too timid to raise my hand, so I just listened to the other questions. My favorite:

“Are you going to do your style show anymore?” one woman asked.

“I used to do a show, as some of you may know, called Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style on Bravo!” Tim said. “I loved doing the show. But Bravo!’s not speaking to me right now.”

Ok, I thought to myself, it’s now or never. I motioned to the microphone-wielding, well-dressed woman taking people’s questions and she motioned back that I’d be next. “We have time for just two more questions!” the blonde lady standing next to Tim said and a woman began another question. I’d be the last one!

When my turn arrived I remember Tim looking at me. I did not take a picture at this moment, but he looked a little like this:

Tim2

And I was thinking: “OhmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodOH.My.GOD!!!”

I think I asked something like this: “I’d like to know what advice you would give someone trying to open a little fashion design business as a second career.” Yes, I know it’s, like, my fourth career, but the details aren’t important.

Tim’s first words spoken to me: “You are brave!”

He was kind, truthful, blunt, and encouraging. He told me to be prepared to work about three times harder than I expected to (I already am! But glad to know it’s not just a sign that I don’t know what I’m doing!).

Then he asked me if I am actually making garments myself. I froze for a second. Did he say something to me? OMG, Tim is asking me a question!! OMG! OMG! The microphone lady was gone, so I had to shout from my vantage point of about 20 feet away that I make all of my own stuff myself.

He told me to be a good student of fashion – know what my customers want, know my competition, and know what how to select the proper price points. And at the end, he said:

“You are brave; it’s a tough, tough time in fashion,” he said. “But I commend you, and I wish you the very best of luck.”

I was so thrilled. He didn’t comment on my dress (he commented on some other people’s outfits, all positively). But I chose not to believe that he hated it and was simply following the “if you don’t have something nice to say…” rule. Because then I’d die.Just die. Not happily. But other people who talked to me afterwards (several people said to me later that day in the mall: “Oh, you’re the designer!”) and I got lots of compliments on it.

So there you have it. I got fashion design biz advice from Tim Gunn! It was one of the coolest effin’ things to happen to me. I went home, finished a dress for one client and met with two more, excited and invigorated. I’m ready to Make. It. Work!

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moddlesThis is Models of the Runway! The pressure is on! And so is the liveblog!

11:03pm – Oh, Erika, you just got hosed by Ari. There was nothing you could have done.

11:08pm – Ok, I don’t know if I’m just tired, but I was expecting a little more before the first commercial break. They have their own show! Shouldn’t there be enough drama to carry it?

11:12pm – I’v eonly made it about halfway through my wine bottle. In over 3 hours. I am getting old.

11:14pm – I’m trying to care about these models, but really, I’m still trippin’ on Daniel’s collection. I’d watch the episode again, but my BF is watching the game on the TV that has a DVR. So I have to wait until tomorrow. I must have missed something.

11:22pm – Is there going to be a dramatic conclusion? Really? I’m thinking not so much.

11:25pm – Plus Sexy: “Don’t touch me.” The most interesting moment of the show so far…

11:26pm – Until Ebony fell! L.M.F.A.O!

11:28pm – It all comes down to Bobby McFerrin…

11:28pm – Oh, too bad so sad for you, girl. But that show was kinda terrible. Good idea, bad execution.

Ok, off to bed. Thanks for reading!

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pr6Here we go – the main event folks! I was still wrapping up my All Star Challenge Liveblog, so all I know so far is that one contestants was a crystal meth addict and another used to live on a potato farm. Interesting start!

10:02pm – “I don’t call it plus-sized. I call it plus sexy.” Sang it, gurrrl!

10:05pm – I don’t like any of these people. Except the “plus sexy” girl.

10:06pm – I didn’t know Bobby McFerrin was a designer!

10:06pm – Wow, that was the world’s fastest pregnancy, Heidi! (I know this was taped before the All Star Challenge. Like, a year before. I was making a funny.)

10:08pm – Three yards for $3! Now THAT is something even I have yet to accomplish! Well. Done!

Much more after the jump!

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